Sorry it's been so very long since I have posted anything. I really was kind of in a dark place while I was waiting, and waiting and waiting to be matched with our daughter so I didn't want to write how I was REALLY feeling!! I have wanted to try my best to embrace and glorify God while I was in the "waiting room" of adoption but some days were just really hard. I know everything is in His timing and I really wanted to display that...sometimes adoption hormones just don't seem to cooperate with what my brain and heart know!!
So anyway, it is with GREAT joy that we can say we have found our daughter (most of you knew this already). We know the face that goes with the name Anelyn Hope!! I am going to try to remember the best I can, how those first few days went (because they went nothing like I had "thought" they would go)!
Ok, so we were with an agency that I loved but only was able to match families off of the "shared list" (the list that Ch@na releases once a month with children eligible for adoption) This list seemed to be getting smaller with more severe needs on them. There are other agencies that have partnerships with certain orphanages and those orphanages will send the files of children specifically to that agency. So, it was Dec. 26th and I get a text from my good friend (who is also adopting) saying that there was a lady on our Facebook adoption groups that has posted that she is advocating for a little 11 month old girl. She said, "you need to message her now"!! I said "no, you message her..you're waiting just like I am". But she insisted that she had a feeling that this one was for me!! So I messaged this gal and she immediately responded that I was the person she had in mind the whole time for this little girl. We talked for hours about this girl and what I would need to do. Somehow, she advocates for many agencies and they give her files to try to get these children families. I told her to go ahead and send me the file because it couldn't hurt. I didn't understand why an agency had a file of such a minor needs girl with no one to match her with...did they really not have anyone waiting?? Here I had been waiting 10 months!! Apparently, it is a small agency and they didn't have anyone that was LID already and this girl had to go to a family that already had their paperwork in Ch@na and ready to go. So, she sends me the file but there is no picture. On their website they had a "partial" picture....it was just a picture of her eyes. As I'm looking over the file I'm thinking "could this really be it?" I look into those eyes and wonder "are these my daughter's eyes??" There is one major kink in this though...I am with another agency and the agency that has this file will not transfer the file to my agency...I would have to switch agencies! Would my agency even allow me to do that!! So, I have to tell myself to not even get excited...do not even go there. This could all get washed down the toilet!! I called the agency that had the file and told her I was very interested in this little girl and what would I need to do to get her? She said I would need to have a doctor look at the file and I would have to get approval from my agency to make the switch. Some agencies will allow it, and some will not. Oh my gosh!!! In the meantime, I send my awesome pediatrician the file via his personal email to be looking at in case I missed something. They like to have the picture of the face to rule out any genetic disorders but I wanted him to look at her on paper until I could get a picture before I got my hopes up too high. Side note...of course I couldn't get a hold of my dear husband to tell him any of his because he was visiting someone at the hospital and had his phone turned off!!! This has happened every time there has been exciting news! So, he comes home and I try to blab out everything that happened that day. I'm making no sense whatsoever!! Oh and to add to the crazy, the kiddos are on Christmas break!! I have tried to make all these phone calls hiding from them either in the closet or in the bathroom!!! I don't want to tell them anything until we could for sure say "here is your sister". It would just be too hard!! Oh, I forgot an amazing part of the story...When we looked at the picture of just her eyes that was on their website, the date under that picture said 12/20! You know what that is??? Hubby's birthday! He about fell over when he saw that!! We discussed and prayed and stared at those eyes all night long but once again we can't even let ourselves go there because 1. we haven't heard back from the doctor and 2. our agency may not let us switch! We have some major hurdles to jump before we even begin to get attached.
The next morning, Dec. 27th the agency emailed a photo of her and I immediately sent it to my pediatrician and also the awesome international adoption doctor at Nationwide Children's Hospital. Daddy and I were now falling in love with this sweet little face on a pink blow up chair!! The pediatrician emailed later in the day to say that everything looked good. He had to look into something that was showing up in her blood numbers but her main need looked like it would fix itself. Praise the Lord!!! He emailed later on in the day to say everything with her blood numbers looks great and there are no worries! Oh my goodness...could this really be happening??? I now needed to wait for the IA doc to give us the full low down because she does this for a living and knows what to look for. She emailed me that night saying everything looked GREAT! She said she would call me in the morning by 8:00 am because she was leaving on vacation and even gave me her home phone # in case she didn't call by 8!! AWESOMENESS!! I can't sleep at all, my stomach and whole body shakes, my heart races, and my brain won't shut up!!! I look at the picture a bajillion times every 5 seconds!!
Dec. 28...The doctor calls promptly at 8 to see if I have any questions. Um...questions...um....????? My mind is mush! She told me that this is the best case I could ask for! We discussed her need more in depth and she assured me that it should fix itself and worst case scenario one little surgery. Again AWESOMENESS!! But remember, we still have the huge mountain to get over...if my agency will even allow me to switch! See my dilemma?? I keep getting good news but can't allow myself to get excited (paalease...I was already over the moon!!) So I called the agency and told them I really want this baby so what do I need to do? I don't want anyone else looking at her file! They put her file on hold for us and told us to contact our agency immediately. Oh good heavens...stomach shaking, heart pounding...here we go! Again, kids are home and I am doing everything in the closet!! They keep asking who I am talking to and what I am saying. (every time the phone rang this past year Eli would always ask if we got our referral and if it was the agency) Now you see why I couldn't get their hopes up!! So, here goes nothing, I'm gonna call!! I call the number and guess what?? They are out of the office until Jan. 3 for Christmas break!!!!!!! SAY WHAT???? NOOOOOO!!!!! I can't wait another week!!! I decide to email them because they are so good about checking their emails from home and have even called me from their home before. So now, what in the world do I say in this email? I don't want them mad that I was looking behind their backs or make them mad, say no, then not ever match us because we upset them. See my nervousness now?? It felt like my future was in their hands. ( I know God has my future in the palm of his hand but this was scary!!) My email went something like this, The weirdest, most amazing thing happened yesterday and I think I may have found my daughter and asked them to give me a call. Gulp! Still shaking!! Please Lord, have Your way. Is this really happening?? I'm so nervous and excited, I constantly feel like I'm either going to puke or pee my pants!! That night when we got home there was a message on our machine...from the lady at our agency...gulp...she sounded excited and happy...could this be??? God, are you really dropping our daughter right into our laps?? So, I hurry up and put the kids to bed so I can call. Shaking...heart pounding...this is it!!! Holy moly!! I called her cell number and she still sounded super excited and wanted to hear all about it! I told her the story exactly how it happened and she was 110% supportive and on board with anything they needed to do to bring her home!! She said she completely understood and sometimes that's just how it happens. Holy batman...we just had a baby!!!!! The last piece of the puzzle fell into place so easily! I was so afraid we would never find her and she was literally a needle in a haystack and God placed her in our life. God said "see, I got this"!! What's crazy is everyone on my adoption sites was texting me and messaging me to look at this girl. It was like EVERYONE knew this baby was mine!!! It all happened so backwards from how I was always told it would happen but that's how God works isn't it??!! It was now time to tell big brother and sister. The next morning we decided to wrap a picture of her and put it under the tree as if Santa left one last package. They grabbed it and opened it together. Olivia's mouth dropped open and Eli said "what's this?" with a big smile on his face. I said "it's your baby sister!!" Olivia threw her hands up and screamed "YAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!" and Eli got the most excited look on his face and said "REALLY?" They were so elated! Eli teared up and their hearts were pure happiness and joy. God gave the heart of adoption to our children too and that has been amazing to watch!
At this point I had to wait a week before anyone is back in the office in order to start the switch. We had to submit a letter and have the director of the agency sign it saying they give over all of our stuff to the new agency. Wouldn't you know the director didn't come into the office until 1/5!! I'm dying here! The new agency received it on 1/7 and wired everything to Ch@na. We now have to wait to get a new LID under the new agency. This took FOREVER!! We only thought it would take a couple of days but no, we didn't get that until 1/25. At that point they were finally able to submit our LOI (letter of intent) saying we wanted to adopt this girl and we promise to love her, care for her, provide her with medical care and never abandon her. Then we wait on our PA (pre-approval) from Ch@na. Once again...thought it would only take a couple days like everyone else but no, we didn't get that until 2/4. We are now officially waiting for LOA (letter of acceptance)...the most important paper in this whole process that says in Ch@na's eyes we are her parents forever and she belongs to us. Once again, this should've already come but we are still waiting. Once we get LOA, it is generally 8-12 weeks and we are on a plane to Ch@na!! Everyone thought I would be traveling in March or April but it is looking more like May or June :( In the adoption community I am known as the "marathon mama" because all of my steps have take double or triple the time everyone else's has. They actually say it is painful to watch! lol I may not understand now and as much as my heart and arms ache to hold my baby, I know when she is placed in my arms it will all go away and it will be so, so worth it! Our little one is not in the orphanage...she is in foster care...Thank you Jesus!! We sent her a care package last week and praying she gets it! It included a disposable camera, a photo album with her family in it to get used to our faces, a blanket we have slept with for a year to get our smell on it and a recordable stuffed bunny in which we told her we loved her and sang her a song to get familiar with our voices! She is almost 14 months old and it says she is stubborn and impatient and her favorite food is fish soup and she dislikes sweet food!! SAY WHAT?? Oh honey, we've got to change that! In the last picture we got of her she has big crocodile tears in her eyes and I just want to fill her eyes with happiness! I can't wait to see this girl smile! Oh, be still my heart! I will post a pic as soon as we get LOA but be prepared for some major cuteness!!
Sorry this is so incredibly long but I wanted to put in writing how the whole thing happened for those of you that wanted to know the story! We are naming her Anelyn Hope Xi (xi is pronounced "she" and it is part of her Chinese name)
Please pray that her heart will be prepared for us and that our paperwork changes to the fast lane!! This mama is ready to get on a plane and bring her home!!!
"I will gather your children from the east and bring you from the west" Isaiah 43:5
To make it more personal, I read it now as I will gather Anelyn Hope from the east and bring you from the west.
Thank you Jesus for bringing us our daughter and for having complete control over this journey!
